Some things are just not meant to be. In a sense. At least the planned outcome. Or is there a deeper meaning, lesson or awareness gained from every process?
My sister who lives in another City told me about the Thirteen Indigenous Grandmothers and I was excited. I love being a grandmother and believe in the purpose they hold. And at least one of the Grandmothers was participating in a nearby gathering.
My sister and I decided to attend the fair. These Grandmothers – what an example of the power of a group of women – any group of women – with a united intent and purpose. Another story, another time.
My niece lives in the general vicinity of our destination so we met at her home and left the following morning for our mecca. My niece is a unique blend of intelligence, creativity and humor embodied in love. We had one of those amazing times that cannot be planned or forced – they just happen. I think “awesome” is an overused adjective – but well described our evening. Special – very special.
Naturally, our conversation included Oprah. My Sis told me she had gotten a ticket for “O You” in Atlanta. I was in no financial position to expect to go but I decided to “see myself there”, expect a miracle, and bought a ticket. Impulse. I let myself get excited and did a lot of visualizing. My sister said that she was thinking of getting an airline ticket for me with her frequent flyer points and she had a hotel reservation that she would have for herself with room for me. If I had pursued that, which would have been extremely difficult for me to do, I know I could have gotten there. Somehow I couldn’t do it. Why?
I believed – boy did I believe. But finances didn’t work the way I had planned and the refund deadline was drawing closer. I was struggling with questions about spending the money even if I had it when some of my family is in dire need of help and I have very little to help them with – so I requested a refund. About 3-4 days later, my sister called and said that her husband had offered to buy an airline ticket if I would go with her. Conversation led to my being excited again and jumping in with both feet. My sister did too. I would need to see if I could get my ticket back but Oprah’s team is efficient and it had already been processed. I was VERY disappointed. My Sis suggested the response was only regarding the refund process, not an answer to my Oprah email asking her to let me have my ticket back. I know she would if she possibly could. I even fantasized Oprah surprising me at my door with my ticket and a trip to Atlanta. Just a thought that crossed my hopeful mind:)
I advertised on Craigslist in Atlanta, was told by some sellers that their advertised tickets had sold within seconds of posting. Then the miracle happened – I got a note from Oprah (collectively speaking again) saying that they could provide a ticket for me, that someone would be calling shortly, ask for a time frame and phone number. I was again SO excited. The roller coaster was on the way up! Yay!!
And then… in the meantime, we had been looking for a reasonable airline ticket – impossible to find on such short notice. Prices were going up each day and by the time the opportunity hit – O You ticket and airline ticket opportunity – at the same time – our conservative (somewhat) natures kicked in. Down again. The pits. I hadn’t been able to hold my brand new great-granddaughter AND missed my O You opportunity. All in the same day. I was in the pits. Pretty deep pits!
Well, I’m still in the pits and sick to my stomach – literally – and trying to figure this whole emotional fiasco out. What is my lesson – I truly believe that’s what the whole thing was about – some kind of lesson that I want not to repeat. Why so much pain – about both disappointments – and why did they hit on the same day. What the heck, Edgar??? In the whole scheme of things – what is the meaning. This has been the short version.
I have to go eat lunch and walk. And listen again to Eckhart Tolle!!! To be continued…..
PS Update: Oh! Now I get it!