Stopping the Pain

Notes from Stopping The Pain

Owning myself- owning my power.  Doing what the Creator put me here to do.

Just how great is my God?  The power of the divine in my life.  He is ALWAYS there.  It’s not a case of his coming to me, it’s about me opening myself to him in me – he’s there all of the time.  Every moment of every day and night.   Sometimes I use meditation to quiet myself and acknowledge his presence in me.  To me, it’s all about God.  In my life.  In me.  Recognizing the blessing in each moment.

What fear is holding me back.  What am I not forgiving?

“Until you heal the wounds of the past, you will continue to bleed”  Iylana

I’ve always had the power.  I know my purpose.

How would you fill in this sentences?  The pain I can’t get past is ….

Why It’s OK to put myself first..

10 Steps to Letting Go

Verbal Abuse – How To Save Yourself

When it comes to my  life, am I in pain?  Mentally, emotionally or spiritually.  Am I holding on to something in the past that causes me pain? P-A-I-N …Pay Attention Inward Now.    When we’re hurting inside, we usually reach outside to fix it.  So, when we’re reaching outward for a fix, pay attention to what is going on inside.   Bleeding means that my life force is leaking out.

Pain is not natural.  We usually mask it and call it something else.  We diminish it and talk it down,  When we have pain  we need to feel it, deal with it and heal it.   Feelings of inadequacy are major causes of pain.   Men  tend to feel inadequate.  Women tend to feel lack of self value and worth.

When you are a strong person, others don’t give you permission to bleed.  Do not allow others to dismiss, disregard, deny your pain.  Find someone who will listen – someone who hears you.

Iylana says…”Don’t get “stuck in Stupid”
When you see stupid coming, cross the street”

When we’re strong, many times we’re not being authentic…we tend to put others first.  How we treat ourselves is how we treat God so when we put ourselves last, we put God last.  I am the representative of God in my life.   We then put other people and other things ahead of God in our life.  Our life is different than our service.  We have to put God first in order to be able to be of service to others.  We want to be self-ful so that we are able to give to others.

A Course in Miracles says…”When we give to others to the degree that we sacrifice ourselves, we make the other person a thief.”  They don’t want to be and they dont even want to be.  We do both ourselves and the other person a dis-service.

Before we judge anyone else with addiction, acknowledge whether or not we struggle with our own addiction – any addiction – food, pleasing others, sex, alcohol, drugs, lying, shopping, addiction to our story? ….

Ask…Who would I be without my “story”, my addiction?  Our addictions keep us distracted from our greatness.  God wants nothing for us but our perfect happiness.  Wherever we are, God is right there.  Our perfect happiness is already here.

Quit telling your victim story…cold turkey stop!  No more.  Write your own tapes.  Rewrite your story.   Separate if  from your experience – don’t tell the story again.  Find the bottom line – ask what our heart needs to hear from someone else and tell it to us – ourselves.  Write our new story – make it nurturing, fulfilling, positive.  Positive!

If your thoughts are bringing you stress or sadness, change you thought – throw it out and think another thought.

How do we get unstuck and tell the truth.

1.  Tell the absolute truth about who you are, what you want, about what you’re willing to do and what you’re not willing to do.  State the fact.  Speak the truth.  Reinvent yourself, re-define you story.   There is a distinct difference between stating the fact (I love BooBoo) and speaking the truth (BooBoo is a weasel).  State the facts, speak the truth.
2.  Ask for what you want.  Have the courage to ask for what you want, be willing to get a “no”.  But have a clear vision of what you’re going to do about it.
3.  Get a vision.

People stay stuck in the pain, stay stuck in bad relationships because they are not truthful.   They have a picture of what they want ‘It” to be instead of what it really is.  There is a difference between a picture (externally generated) and a vision (internally generated – brings joy).

Be truthful.  Be relentless in our truth.  In spite of any confrontation that it evokes.  Don’t engage in the confrontation.  Be gently strong in our truth.

Expectations cause us pain.   When we ask, we have a picture of what it will look like.   Identify what we really really want before we ask.  We can’t get what we want when we don’t know what we want.  Before we ask, dig deep and find out why we want what we’re asking for.   When we ask, we are given exactly what we should have.  Ask for what we want and then be grateful when we get it.  Everything within the process is exactly as it should be.   We are God’s hands and feet on this planet.  Shower our “answer” with God’s love.  Listen to God for direction.

Fatherless sons, Fatherless daughters have a big hole.  Love fills the hole.  God is love.  Let God fill the hole.

“You are never angry for the reason you think you are….there is an older hurt that hasn’t been dealt with.  Deal with it and the anger will be dealt with.”  Iyanla

Oprah’s Lifeclass Tour – Stopping the Pain

Oprah’s Lifeclass Lesson 13: When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them

Lesson 13: When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them

Webcast Week 3 in Review

Oprah says that of all the lessons she’s learned in her life, this one may be at the very top of her list.  Maya Angelou explains… people know themselves much better than we do.   So don’t expect them to be something other than who they are.
Aired: 10/26/2011
Today’s Question:   Think of someone you met recently. What have they shown you about themselves? Who are they?
What Others Are SayingJournal Questions:

Often when a person does not show you the exact problem or issue, you get little whispers, little messages, little problems – something is a little off.  Although she did not know he was gay.  He had shown her that he was a person accustomed to keeping secrets, deceiving, not being open.
Make a Pro and Con List
If you’re still searching for a soul mate, relationship expert Iyanla Vanzant urges you to pay attention to red flags and don’t settle for someone you have to fix. Like Iyanla said in 1998, “If you see crazy coming, cross the street!”

Oprah’s Lifeclass Notes:

Always be prepared to renegotiate an agreement.  If the original agreement does not work out, renegotiate.

Remember to Pay It Forward…


Oprah’s Lifeclass
Oprah’s Lifeclass Lesson 13: When People Show You Who They Are, Believe them
Oprah’s Webcast Lesson 13:
Oprah’s Lifeclass Notes
Today’s Lifeclass Question

Lesson 12: Holding On to the Past

Lesson 12: Holding On to the Past

Oprah believes that a universal issue for so many of us is that we are holding on to the hurt and pain of our past.  In this class, five sisters have been entrenched in a bitter feud for years and find ways to move on.  Getting on with the “now” can only be accomplished by letting go of the past.  Some insight from Oprah’s Lifeclass Lesson 12….
Aired: 10/25/2011
Today’s Question:  What memories of the past still dominate your thinking?  What do you need to let go of?

Oprah’s Lifeclass Notes:  Oprah says, “It’s not just letting go of the past, it’s all bigger than we can ever imagine.”  We all want a  better life.  How do we get there?  

Are we living in what could have, what should have, what we wished could have been?  Living in the past is one of the biggest detriments.

Five sisters’ relationship went from a simple misunderstanding to a full scale war.   The conflict was affecting the sisters emotionally, physically and spiritually.   When we see defensiveness, that person is in pain and needs love and acceptance.  It took a major tragedy – the loss of one sister’s son – to bring them to wake up.    18 years later the sisters reconciled.   Jackie’s oldest son was dying of AIDS and a sister, Vicki took him in.  In order for her to see her son, she had to be in Vicki’s home.   The reconciliation had begun.

When we resort to name-calling, it means that we are out of control and we’re using that to bring more value to ourselves.

The only person we ever have any control over is ourselves.  We have a choice in how we see the situation, or we can remove ourselves from the situation but we  cannot change the other person.

Whatever energy we are carrying from the past, we carry into the future and that energy colors everything we do and experience.  It blocks us from being all that we were meant to be.

Forgiving is necessary to let go of the past.  It doesn’t mean that we say “it’s ok”.  Forgiveness is acceptance, not approval.

All of life is about “waking up”.

When the Oprah Show first started talking about men having affairs, women in the audience were adament that they would never put up with it, they would leave.  That attitude gradually changed over the next few years – in the 90’s.   Oprah says that she has discovered that men don’t cheat because of someone who is more attractive, smarter or…. He cheats because of how another person makes him feel.

In 2008, Psychiatrist Gary Newman, found that men cheat because they feel underappreciated, unimportant, not admired.  Men want to feel valued.

Unless the other man (or woman)  completely understands and expresses remorse for what they have done, it’s very difficult for the betrayed person to get over it.   Both parties need to sit down and talk about it openly.  Give yourself permission to deal with the issue.  It takes time to build trust again.

Not everyone can get over an affair.  You need to decide for yourself  if you can or can’t get over an affair.  If you decide that you can – then really get over it.  Deal with it and let it go.  You have to deal with the past or it will continue to show up in your relationships, your health, in every aspect of your life. If you can’t get over the affair, then move on from the relationship.  Don’t live in between.  There needs to be emotional closure.

On losing a loved one…with Gary Zukav… Oprah says…It’s not just about letting go of the past.  It’s about the ultimate lesson for us as human beings.  I am not my body, I am not my circumstances, I am not what everything looks like.  I really am a higher level of being and consciousness that is a soul.  My personality is not my soul.  My personality is here to serve my soul”.

We, our lives, are bigger than what it looks like.

A couple lost a new preterm baby, a twin.  They were both born perfect but on the third day after their birth, Ryan had a brain bleed.  He could not save the baby.  The parents went into a tailspin, were having a difficult time not letting this tragedy take over in their lives.

Gary Zukav counsels -“Look at Ryan as a soul, like everyone on this earth, that left this earth when it chose, then you will have a different perspective.  You will be able to see the gifts that this soul gave you during it’s short stay on this earth.  You will reach a place in your life where you are grateful that this soul chose to be with you for however short a time.  If you do not, you will live your life feeling that a tragedy has occurred.  Whenever you see your other son growing up, you will say Ryan should be here.  You will be placing a burden on your other son, the twin, because no matter what he does, what he accomplishes, he will be causing Mommy pain.  If you look at Ryan as a great soul who voluntarily entered the earth school and voluntarily left it in, you will begin to fathom and appreciate the interaction that you had with that soul and you will be able to receive the gifts that this soul came to earth to give to you and your family.  And if you do not, then you will continue to be turning away from those gifts.  You will be denying the very wealth of wisdom and compassion that was offered to you by this soul. ”  The soul is a great deal more than just a personality.  Interact soul-to-soul.  Recognize the power of the soul.

Many others were impacted by this story.

Oprah says that this story gives us a glimpse a notion that you are bigger than your body and your personality.   Oprah called this a holy moment in the room that day.   Oprah says it reminds her to stop and and think about her own soul and everyone around her, causes her to just for a moment to disconnect from the egos and personalities around her,  and to recognize that it is all bigger than we can ever imagine.

“You are not your circumstances.  You are a higher level of being and consciousness that is a soul.”  If we think life is only what we can see, then we are missing the whole point.

Oprah encourages us…”When you lose somebody in the physical form, the formless becomes an angel that you know”.

“Life is much bigger than just a body.  When you are grieving over the loss of a loved one…sense the presence of their soul, which is always with you, instead of the personality that is gone.”

Oprah quoting Iyanla Vanzant…”You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people.  But until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed.  You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life.  You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick you hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.”

Oprah says…”The sooner we can let go of the past, the sooner we can get on with the “now”, our daily life.  If we don’t let it go, it becomes a wall, a barrier, and it prevents us from the vibrancy, the aliveness, the glory that our life should be. ”

Oprah’s Lifeclass
Oprah’s Lifeclass Lesson 12: Holding on to the past
Oprah’s Webcast Lesson 12: Holding on to the past
Oprah’s Lifeclass Notes
Today’s Lifeclass Question

Lesson 2: Letting Go of Anger

Lesson 2: Webcast Letting Go of Anger – Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant

Aired: 10/11/2011
Oprah replays the interview with best-selling author Terry McMillan’s riveting  on The Oprah Show.    Oprah points out how  anger can stand in the way of the life we were meant to live.

Today’s Question:  What’s holding me back right now?

See what others are saying

Oprah’s Lifeclass Notes:

There are two emotions – Love and Fear
Anger is really a manifestation of fear…
Fear of losing the love of someone – rejection
Fear of being powerless or helpless, hopeless, vulnerable (maintain control) – fear of being unsafe
Fear of losing control – of self, others, how, when and where it will happen
Fear of not being seen as valuable, necessary
Anger – never angry for the reason I think I am.  I’m not born with anger in me.  helpless, hopeless, vulnerable event happened that impressed my soul.  Stirs up anger.  When anger is triggered, the trigger is simply reminding me that there is something down there that I need to deal with.
Anger is the easy way out – when I’m angry I get the control.  Anger is the #1 addiction.  Right below the anger is a world of hurt.  It’s easier to stay in the anger than to go deeper and deal with the hurt.

You can accept or reject the way you’re treated by other people but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed.  You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life.   You must find the strength to open the wound,  you must stick your  hand inside, pull out the core of the pain, the memory, and make peace with it

Oprahs Lifeclass Lesson #2  Letting Go of Anger
Oprah’s Webcast Lesson #2: Letting Go of Anger
Oprah’s Lifeclass
Oprah’s Lifeclass Notes
Today’s Questions