Uh…Hello….On Aging…A letter to my children, grandchildren and great-granchildren


Hi Ya’ll,

I’ve always felt that I was vital to our family.   Suddenly I feel that I’m on my way out.  I feel kind of grieve-y.  But only for a moment…    I’ve decided that I’m not ready to be “relegated”… and I’m going to stay as involved with you as you’ll let me.   The thought occurred to me that maybe with my “labels’ of Mom, Grandma and Great-grandma, that you’re judging what I’d like and not like because of your preconceived ideas of age – I’m here to tell you – NOT!… please keep an open mind about age and check with me before you decide?

So here are some of my thoughts…no one ever talked to me about aging but I feel that I’d be cheating all of us out of many good times and memories if I fade out gracefully.  I’m not very excited about that option.  So here goes…

Maybe this is simply a cycle of life – in fact I’m sure it can be – for some people.  Not us.  It’s not in my frame of reference…

Do you know that even though I have white hair and more than a few wrinkles, I have a sharp mind and a loving heart.  Still.    That hasn’t changed.  My appearance is not in agreement with how I feel inside.  If I had no mirror, I’d totally believe that I’m still in my late 30’s – well maybe early 40’s.  I feel the same now as when you grandchildren were born.

Even though I’m a GG now – a great-grandmother, my energy and interest in life is still as intense as it has always been (other than being slowed temporarily with my darn broken foot!).    The day may come when I don’t have as much energy and am a little slower but I hope you remember that I waited for you when you were a little slower and needed a little more care and attention.

I’m finding I have mixed feelings about the labels of Mom, Grandma and Great-Grandma.  On one hand, I love the memories of the little voices calling me, and the same voices as they became adult sounds and still calling me.  On the other hand, they are labels and labels are distancers….and I’m feeling a distance that jolts me.

Some of you have wanted to change your names as you found new identities.  Now it’s my turn.  I want to have no other label than my name.  Some of you are already calling me GG – and that’s great.  Or you can call me Sharon or MiMi- I’ll answer to any of them.  This may be temporary and maybe not.  Could it be a phase?  We’ll see…

I don’t need guilt, hurt feelings and please, no gifts.  You’re my gift.  Unless you see something that you just HAVE to get for me – to fill your own need.  Just know that the best gift you can give me is an occasional phone call to tell me about a funny memory, your latest news or just that you’re thinking of me and love me.  I love your old notes, I’ve saved all of them – and would love more.  I would like for your note to tell me that you’re so glad that I’m your Sharon, MiMi or GG.   Just joking…well, no I’m not….I’d just love that.  You know the adage..”it’s the thought that counts”?  Those thoughts are my gifts and when you write them, I treasure them and can re-read them when I need you and you’re busy with your life.   I love it when you text me a random picture of where you are or what you’re doing.  It lets me know you’re thinking of me at important times in your life.

I know and love that you all get together and have wonderful times.  But when it’s appropriate, please remember to invite me – remember that I’d love to be there with you.  I just love watching you, laughing with you, eating with you, remembering with you…just being.   Making a few more memories.

I’d really like to say that I don’t get my feelings hurt – but I do.  I’d like to say that I don’t feel alone sometimes – I do.  I’d like to be strong and mean it when I say that my memories are enough to get me by – but they’re not…I want more, more, more…

I love you,

Sharon, aka GG, MiMi

Missing A Memory – And Oprah!


Some things are just not meant to be.  In a sense.   At least the planned outcome.   Or is there a deeper meaning, lesson or awareness gained from every  process?

My sister who lives in another City told me about the Thirteen Indigenous Grandmothers and I was excited.  I love being a grandmother and believe in the purpose they hold.  And at least one of the Grandmothers was participating in a nearby gathering.

My sister and I decided to attend the fair.   These Grandmothers – what an example of the power of a group of women – any group of women –  with a united intent and purpose.   Another story, another time.

My niece lives in the general vicinity of our destination so we met at her home and left the following morning for our mecca.  My niece is a unique blend of intelligence, creativity and humor embodied in love.  We had one of those amazing times that cannot be planned or forced – they just happen.   I think “awesome” is an overused adjective – but well described our evening.  Special – very special.

Naturally, our conversation included Oprah.  My Sis told me she had gotten a ticket for “O You” in Atlanta.  I was in no financial position to expect to go but I decided to “see myself there”, expect a miracle,  and bought a ticket.  Impulse.  I let myself get excited and did a lot of visualizing.  My sister said that she was thinking of getting an airline ticket for me with her frequent flyer points and she had a hotel reservation that she would have for herself with room for me.  If I had pursued that, which would have been extremely difficult for me to do, I know I could have gotten there.  Somehow I couldn’t do it.  Why?

I believed  – boy did I believe.  But finances didn’t work the way I had planned and the refund deadline was drawing closer.  I was struggling with questions about spending the money even if I had it when some of my family is in dire need of help and I have very little to help them with – so I requested a refund.  About 3-4 days later, my sister called and said that her husband had offered to buy an airline ticket if I would go with her.   Conversation led to my being excited again and jumping in with both feet.  My sister did too.  I would need to see if I could get my ticket back but Oprah’s team is efficient and it had already been processed.  I was VERY disappointed.  My Sis suggested the response was only regarding the refund process, not an answer to my Oprah email asking her to let me have my ticket back.  I know she would if she possibly could.  I even fantasized Oprah surprising me at my door with my ticket and a trip to Atlanta.  Just a thought that crossed my hopeful mind:)

I advertised on Craigslist in Atlanta, was told by some sellers that their advertised tickets had sold within seconds of posting.  Then the miracle happened – I got a note from Oprah (collectively speaking again) saying that they could provide a ticket for me, that someone would be calling shortly, ask for a time frame and phone number.  I was again SO excited.   The roller coaster was on the way up!  Yay!!

And then… in the meantime, we had been looking for a reasonable airline ticket – impossible to find on such short notice.   Prices were going up each day and by the time the opportunity hit – O You ticket and airline ticket opportunity – at the same time – our conservative (somewhat) natures kicked in.  Down again.  The pits.  I hadn’t been able to hold my brand new great-granddaughter AND missed my O You opportunity.  All in the same day.  I was in the pits.  Pretty deep pits!

Well, I’m still in the pits and sick to my stomach – literally – and trying to figure this whole emotional fiasco out.  What is my lesson – I truly believe that’s what the whole thing was about – some kind of lesson that I want not to repeat.   Why so much pain – about both disappointments – and why did they hit on the same day.  What the heck, Edgar???  In the whole scheme of things – what is the meaning.    This has been the short version.

I have to go eat lunch and walk.   And listen again to  Eckhart Tolle!!!   To be continued…..

PS Update:   Oh! Now I get it!